Let it be....what I wish it would be..........

I remember the first day, it was my drama competition and I can't sent off my parents to the States. My aunt picked me up at school that day. After putting my things at her house, she sent me back home to pack my things up. I remember being all alone at my home, none of my family members were there, feeling alone and had to do all things my ownself, no one to talk to, everyone away from me...... Why can't I go? Why do I have to suffer all this? Why do I have to be here? Shouldn't I be at the airport? Waiting to see my sister again? But no, and I'm all alone here.....

      Everytime I went back home to check, it seems like I've never left there before. It all seemed like a dream, a short-bitter dream.... I lied on my parents' bed and it seems like they never left me, but the next thing that hits me is that I have to be quick and go back to my aunt's house again....

      I couldn't study here, the only time I can study is when they're asleep, I studied until 3 in the middle of the night, I even studied in the toilet... I was so scared, and I wanna get good results in my exam so I studied as much as I could, but it never seems enough... I cried and shouted, but no one ever seems to notice.... But thank God, the hardest part is over, and now I'm just for you guys to come back home....

      Being here is not that all bad actually, I learned how to live with other people. And also see the weakness in myself. My cousins are very disciplined, they make up their own beds when they get up, they listen to their mom and are not exposed to the inmoral world like I do. Other than that, I get to save more money. My aunt pack up food for us to bring to school everyday, so for this whole 4 weeks of school, I only used up 3 ringgit!! How good is that??!! I get to save up more money and help fulfill my dream.... 

     I watched some of the videos taken when my family and I were in the States.... Looking at myself being there seems unreal, I don't want it to seem 'unreal', I want it to seem real! I want to be there again, I want to have something new and fresh in my life. It all seems so dull here, so boring and just..... so lonely...... 

    So please.... let it be....what I wish it would be....