More Tears Than Laughters :)

Is it funny that I put a smiley face even though there was more tears?? Actually.... no. This is gonna be my first post ever in a blog, there's a first time to everything rite?? Is this a good starting by saying something that really touched me? Why should I let the world knows how I feel?? Ok...this is starting to get confusing. Should I write my blog this way? Or is there THE WAY?? Who cares rite?

More tears.... actually golden tears.... Tears that made sense to everything.... It's not about my b'day, it's not about whether I celebrated it or not.... it's about the people around me, people who left me, people's who's far away, people who doesn't know me.. I had so many surprises, good and bad oness,  three of my friends just gave me a box of dark chocolate,  a birthday wish I've waited from someone, the most unexpected call from the most unexpected person, my mom, my dad and definitely Golden tears....

I'm not sad, not sad at all.... I don't care now, I just wanna get away.. Why am I here? I wanna be in heaven with God, I do... but am I really going to heaven?? Only God knows....

It's funny how I write things, everything seems to be here and there, but that's what makes it special, and I like it that way.

13/1/2011（Thursday）
Well, it's my birthday!! Didn't really talked about it, nor thought about it nor planned anything. Same goes to my parents, as you can guess they didn't know until my dad checked FB. That moment was crutial, tears just came flowing, my mom was so disappointed about herself, and cried too and most surprisingly my servant called to wish me, her name is Rovina, but we always called her 'kakak fina'. It was so....soo.... wonderful and just unexpected, everything was wonderful. I don't know why I cried, I'm not sad that time, I didn't care! I feel so overdrained by emotions, I felt loved.... that's what I felt.... LOVE..... not a yearly celebration nor presents, I don't care about those stuff.

14/1/2011 （Friday）
Went to Little Italy, you know, the restaurant below Capital Hotel.... Mummy and daddy wanted to make up for my birthday, wellll, of course I would love that!! Had a pizza, a wine sauce based pasta, Lamb, and most importantly had Chocolate Mousse for desserts!! After that, went home to have a small cup cake birthday celebration!!

NOW 17/1/2011 9.55 p.m （Monday）
Today had not much homework so was able to blog... Hey Jan, Van, Christy, don't feel bad or feel disgusted or anything, I'm really sorry, but why wait next year when it's today? You sure there's a next year? Didn't you guys had a year before? I'm so sorry and I don't know whether I should write this here or not but I don't think there's any other way to tell you guys. I understand that you guys don't have time or transport to plan anything for me, the chocolate is good, I like the card too, I don't care about whether it's awesome or not but why wait next year?? You guys know what I mean? It's so hard for me to say it, but it's harder not to say it... Oh guys, I'm so sorry, I just don't know....